Four Steps to Remain Sane While Chaperoning a Field Trip
Posted by: mamanik on: March 13, 2009
- In: Family| kids| school
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I, too, have been affected by the economic downturn. I was laid off from my job last year. Seeking to turn a bad situation into a positive one, I have been volunteering at the kid’s school and chaperoning any field trips that come up. It’s been fun for the most part. But it’s made me realize that I’m so very appreciative of our teachers.
We typically take public transportation, which is the Light Rail in San Jose. You’d think these kids had never seen the light of day. They get so excited by the smallest things. “Oh my God! Look it’s a dead bird!” “How did those shoes get up on the wire?” And the chattering goes on and on.
My kids love for me to come on field trips. And, strangely enough, their classmates enjoy my company as well. I’ve found great strategies for surviving these forays into educational discovery.
1. Set your expectations right up front.
When I get the list of kids I’ll be responsible for, I pull them aside and let them know what is expected of them. I have a few simple rules:
- They must always keep me in sight. If they can’t see me and I can’t see them – they are in trouble.
- No screaming or obnoxious behavior. If they don’t know what constitutes obnoxious, I am always willing to school them on that.
- They must act like responsible ___ graders. (Fill in the blank depending on your own kid’s grade.)
2. Be firm but flexible.
The field trip is supposed to be fun. They are going to be uber excited about not being in the classroom on a weekday, going out with their friends on public transportation is something different from their usual schedule. Allow them to be somewhat goofy but do not condone bad behavior. Respect for others and property is a priority.
3. Bring a blank notepad and a few pencils.
When you are in transit, you can have them play hangman or tic-tac-toe or some other word game to occupy their minds.
4. Engage the kids in conversation.
This is a great chance to get to know who your kids are hanging out with during the day. Children are very open and honest if they feel that an adult really cares about what they are saying. Be aware of how you respond to kids though. Adults can make a big impact – positive or negative – on a child. We should always strive to be a positive force in any child’s life.
That’s it. Remember, have fun. Let your kids have fun. Enjoy sharing this special time in your child’s life. They will remember it when they have kids and will hopefully pay it forward.
Helping Your Kids with Homework
Posted by: mamanik on: October 7, 2008
I have 2 elementary school age children. My 9 year old daughter was accepted into the GATE program. This is the gifted program in the school district. She’s a smart girl but she does have a tendency to get distracted a lot. It’s been a process to get her to stay focused but here are some things I do to help her with homework:
1. Give healthy snacks before homework – crunchy veggies with dip, fruit juice, peanut butter sandwiches, cheese and crackers, apples with peanut butter, etc. Avoid high sugar snacks that will have their blood sugar crashing after 20 minutes.
2. Provide a reasonably quiet and organized area for them to do homework. – Make sure it is well lit, you have ample sharpened pencils and any other tools they will need. Minimize their need to get up from the desk.
3. Do each subject in 20 minute increments. – Even if science is going to take 1 hour, let them take a five minute break after 20 minutes. It clears their head and allows them to refocus. Use a kitchen timer so they stay on track.
4. Provide help only when requested. – Let your kids take responsibility for doing the work themselves. It’s either now or never.
5. Do check their work when they are done. – If they have wrong answers, have them take another look at the question and figure out where they went wrong.
6. Be patient. – We know the work seems very easy for you. You’ve been through it already. But remember how schoolwork was for you when you were a kid. If you can’t remember back that far, think about how you feel now when you are just learning to do something.
I really enjoy seeing my daughter succeed. When she starts to get frustrated with herself, I explain why homework is important. This seems to re-energize her and she works harder.
So have at it! Teaching your kids good study habits will carry your kids through to college and beyond.
Be an Olympic Mom like Debbie Phelps
Posted by: mamanik on: August 21, 2008
Much props and congratulations to Debbie Phelps, the mother of Olympic superstar Michael Phelps. What Michael has done is extraordinary. Eight Gold medals in a single Olympics. It’s incredible. He is awesome to watch. I noticed through all his winnings, he always made sure to acknowledge his mom.
She was there in the seats, watching and cheering him on along with the rest of us. But she, like the rest of us moms, has always been there in the seats. And I’m sure he looked to her on the day of his very first race just like he looked to her when he won the big ones at the Olympics.
My three older children are in various sports activities. My oldest does Special Olympics. My two younger ones do gymnastics. They are soon to get into other activities that they enjoy. And I will be there. Always. Cheering them on. Encouraging them when they fall. Crying when they do well. And of course, crying when they fall. Debbie Phelps is not the only one with DP moments. That estrogen is a powerful hormone. 
So how can we mere mortals be like Olympian mom, Debbie Phelps? Should we run out and immediately sign our kids up for swimming or gymnastics or some other sport? Not at all. Don’t do something just because it’s popular. Find out what your child enjoys. It could be a sport, it could be art, math, singing – you catch my drift. Whatever floats their boat, encourage them. Enjoy it with them. If you can afford lessons or other extracurricular activities, help them get there.
What if your kid doesn’t like anything or has no obvious opinion? Pick something together and commit to trying it out for at least three months. In the first month, the activity will be hard and they will not be very good. They will want to quit. Don’t let them! By the end of the second month, they will have gained some basic skills and will have had some success. By the end of the third month, they will be able to tell you, with some authority, whether or not they like the activity. I put my kids in karate and after a few months, they decided they didn’t like karate. So I let them quit and try something else.
With gymnastics, my son had a really hard time in the beginning and he wanted to quit. But I told him he could quit after three months if he still wanted to but we committed to doing it for at least that amount of time. After three months, he was able to do things he couldn’t do on the first day. Nine months later, he has progressed two levels and is really enjoying himself.
Our kids may never reach Olympic levels but that is not the point. The objective for them is to learn life lessons about teamwork, commitment, discipline, self-confidence and knowing that there is something in the world bigger than they are.
Cheers to you Debbie Phelps! And cheers to you moms out there doing it and doing it well!
Don’t be a retard!
Posted by: mamanik on: August 12, 2008
- In: Movies| disabilities
- 1 Comment
There is recent drama over the new movie by Ben Stiller, Tropic Thunder. In a subplot, Ben Stiller’s character plays an actor who plays a man called “Simple Jack” with intellectual disabilities. The word “retard” is used many times during the movie. Robert Downey Jr.’s character even tells Ben Stiller “Don’t go full retard.”
Disability advocates are protesting the use of the “r-word” in the movie and encouraging others to boycott the film. My 18-year old son is developmentally disabled. He has Down syndrome. One of the symptoms of Down syndrome is mental retardation. Do I get offended when someone uses that word? Hell yes I do! I will protest ANY word that is used to degrade or put down another group of people. I am a black woman and when the n-word is used in a derogatory manner, I object strongly as well. Many people whom I love dearly are homosexual, when the f-word is used, I don’t like that either.
This world full of people that will use labels and names to either lift themselves up or put another group of people down. It’s been done throughout history and will continue to be used in the future. It is human nature. We can affect change in how people view us by being the example. We can educate others as to why it is offensive. There are some people who just don’t understand why this is so hurtful – it’s up to the rest of us to let them know. I’m not big on protests but it is an obvious form of communicating to the world what is acceptable and what is not.
I choose to educate others about people with disabilities through my son. He’s an awesome kid. He’s helpful, caring, he loves to cook, read and he’s very excited about being 18. He’s going to learn vocational skills and get a job and eventually live on his own. I’ve always raised him as a kid who happens to have Down syndrome. Kid first, disability second. By preparing him to be a contributing member of society, I’m letting the world know that these people have value and they have their place in the world.
The squeaky wheel will be heard! Show your support by pledging to not use the “r-word”. If you so desire, don’t go to the movie. Or go and see what the fuss is about. I will Netflix the movie.
Frankly, I’m inured to the use of derogatory terms in the media. I’ve come to expect it. What are your thoughts on using these types of words? Bad? Good? Who cares?
Die now or later
Posted by: mamanik on: August 8, 2008
This week, my co-worker’s mother was hit by a car and killed. We received an email from our manager letting us know about the fate of his mother the day before. The whole team was quite shaken. We didn’t know his mother but we all have mothers and we felt the sadness of her passing. We passed on our condolences but we didn’t really know what we could say to him. Nothing we could say would make him feel better. So we just gave him our support.
We talked briefly about what is less objectionable, a quick surprising death or a long illness. Morbid talk, I know. But the question really got me thinking about death as a whole. I try to have a healthy view about death. It is a transition we will all have to make. No one can escape this fate. The Sufis view death as a gift, just as life is a gift from God. It is their opportunity to be with God. I think that is a beautiful thought.
As a mother and a wife, I want to be here for my family to guide them and take care of them as long as I possibly can. The thought of me not being able to do that scares me. But I still accept this part of life and I am always willing and ready to follow God’s plan for me, whatever that may be.
Back to the original question, sudden death or long illness. Either way is going to bring the same sadness from the people we leave behind. I don’t think the despair is any less if we know it’s coming or if we just find out. With an illness, family members have a chance to prepare and say their goodbyes. A sudden death doesn’t give us that opportunity. With an illness, the family members watch as the person they love slowly deteriorates and is, sometimes, in constant pain. A sudden death spares the family that transformation.
My mother is fighting a battle with breast cancer and the prognosis isn’t too good. She’s has to go through another round of chemotherapy and radiation. She’s pretty depressed. We try to keep her in good spirits and take care of her. The kids and pets cheer her up. But she is faced with her own mortality. She doesn’t know if she has 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years and that scares the heck out of her. And what can I say to ease her mind? As her daughter, there is only so much she is willing to hear from me. She tells me I would think differently if, God forbid, I were in her shoes. So I do what I can.
To my tens of readers out there, what are your thoughts on death? Have you experienced the death of someone close to you? How do you reach out to other people who have lost someone?
Debunking the Supermom Myth: Redux
Posted by: mamanik on: August 5, 2008
I read over my post on debunking the supermom myth and I don’t think I did a good job of the debunk. I failed to debunk the myth. I am revisiting this issue because when I inevitably tell someone that I have four kids and I work full-time, yada yada yada, they usually say, “Wow! You must be some kind of SUPERMOM!” Then I come home and find my house in a state of mess. As my grandmother used to say, “It looks like the wreck of the Hesperus!”
I’ve come to terms with my limitations. I’m not the best housekeeper in the world. I love a clean house – when I have the time to clean. But if things are a bit untidy- or majorly messy – and I have to choose between cleaning and playing Uno with my son, chances are I’ll take the 30 minutes to play a hand of Uno with my boy. And laundry? If it wasn’t for my husband and my mother, I would have to go out and buy new underwear every week. (Don’t laugh, it’s been done before.)
Another one of my limitations is my shortened fuse. When the day comes to an end and I am tired beyond all tired, my kids still expect me to have enough energy to deal with all their drama. The arguments ensue and I turn into Angry McAngerstein. It’s worse during the school year when we have homework to do as well. My frustration levels are off the charts!
I don’t feel I’m worthy of the Supermom monniker. Or on the flip side, I think every woman out there who is busting her beans for her family should be named Supermom too. If you get up everyday and lead your family, feed them, guide them, care for them and love them, you too are a Supermom.
I claim to be an average man of less than average ability. I have not the shadow of a doubt that any man or woman can achieve what I have, if he or she would make the same effort and cultivate the same hope and faith.~Mahatma Gandhi
Fail like a winner!
Posted by: mamanik on: July 31, 2008
The greatest success stories in history are the worlds biggest losers. People like Thomas Edison, Michael Jordan, Albert Einstein and more! Most successful people out there have failed most of their lives. They fail so often because they are constantly taking risks. They put themselves out there and risk losing everytime. You only have to win once to be a winner. But the odds are you are going to fail. In sales, they teach you that you will get only one sale for every ten people you talk to. That’s a 10% success rate – if you are a good closer.
Many people have a negative connotation of failure. Failure is a part of life. It’s how we learn. I have failed often at many things. In school, in my career, in my life. But I take those failures and I keep trying. I flip it around and try to see the good. I am an optimist though. It’s part of my core being to see the good in everything around me. My mother is a polar opposite. She has taken very few risks in life because of her fear of failure. But by not trying anything, she’s already failed.
We had a conversation last December when she told me about her fear of failure. She always just looked at the few steps ahead of her because if she looked any farther or made any long term plans, there was always the chance that it wouldn’t happen. The following January, we found out that she’s had a recurrence of her breast cancer. She had a mastectomy in 2004 and went through radiation and chemo in 2005. But now it’s back. And it’s in her back. Her spine specifically.
It was a terrible blow for all of us. I was eight months pregnant with my daughter. The good thing is that my mom lives with us so I can take care of her. And here is more good to report: It seems the combination of the cancer with the birth of the baby has really changed my mother’s attitude. She is starting to think longer term. Not too long in the future but she is looking at her plans after her treatments are done. She’s been more positive than I’ve ever seen her before.
Going through the treatments are a struggle. She has her good days and bad. But despite the generally negative prognosis that a diagnosis of cancer brings, she seems to want to enjoy life more. It’s a shame it took cancer to bring her to this point but at least she’s here.
Failure looms ever so close to all of us in anything we do. It’s scary. And people may laugh. But why wait until you’re diagnosed with a fatal illness before you realize the full value that life has to offer – failure or not.
Debunking the SuperMom Myth
Posted by: mamanik on: July 26, 2008
If you look at my brief bio, you may agree with many of my friends who say I’m a supermom. I have a problem with the term “Supermom” and all it implies. SUPERMOM conjures up images of a woman who unfailingly tackles the day-to-day drama, smiles through it all, cleans the kitchen at the end of the day and still has enough energy to give her husband love and attention. That is just not happening. Picture me stressed, sometimes yelling, most often taking deep breaths and hiding in the bathroom.
My days are busy every single minute from the moment I wake up until I lay down to sleep. Someone at some point always wants something from me. Before my fourth child was born this past March, I may have agreed – ever so modestly – about being a supermom. I had it all together at work, I juggled all the kid’s activities, I took care of my family, I did it all. I was every woman. It was all in me!
Along came Baby T and my world completely changed. I have the strong belief that motherhood makes you lose brain cells and I certainly felt like it after giving birth. I’m now back at work and I’m struggling to keep my projects organized and meet everyones expectations. My kids have welcomed their baby sister but they still require all the love and attention they received before. They still have all their events and activities and it’s my job to get them there.
My husband has been exceedingly responsive and has been helping whenever and where ever he can. My friends help out whenever they can but let’s be real, the onus of the day-to-day stuff falls on the mom. People ask me, “How do you do it?” and my answer is “I just do it.” I take each thing that I must do, one by one and I just do it. At the end of the day, I collapse in bed, open up my laptop and blog to the world. Adding yet one more thing on my plate.
The thing that gets me through each day and keeps me sane is my “me” time. I have to say, I’ve been staying up late to get my “me” time but it’s worth it. Eventually, I want to move my “me” time to a point during the day when I can exercise. That really helps me de-stress and makes me feel good. For now, I’m not worrying too much about my waistline. I’m going to focus on my mental wellbeing, make sure my kids feel loved and make sure my hubby is loved and carry on with the joy of motherhood.
Look! Up in the minivan! It’s a cook! It’s a chauffeur! NO! It’s SUPERMOM!
IBD’s 10 Secrets to Success
Posted by: mamanik on: July 23, 2008
Investors Business Daily(IBD) publishes their top 10 secrets to success every day and every day I read them. Whether you are in business or an investor or a SAHM – these 10 little bits of treasure will serve you well if you heed them. They are lessons for life and if you take them seriously each day, you will experience success.
IBD is a great financial newspaper. The subscription is expensive but the information you gain far surpasses the cost. The paper gives you the interesting news of the day with a slant on how it affects the markets. It’s also a great learning paper. If you want to learn about the stock market and how to track a company’s stock, they have a great method to learn. I wholeheartedly recommend this paper.
As a mom, we are often the CFO of the family. Reading IBD every day for the past 4 years has made me more confident in how I handle my family’s budget. I’ve dabbled a bit in stocks and did pretty good. I still have a lot to learn. It’s not a way to get rich quick but it is a way to find out how money works. Even if you don’t trade in the stock market, whether the Dow moves up or down it affects us. And it’s important to understand why.
For starters, take a look at the 10 secrets to success. Print them out. Post them on your fridge. Learn them. Live them.
1. HOW YOU THINK IS EVERYTHING: Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.
2. DECIDE UPON YOUR TRUE DREAMS AND GOALS: Write down your specific goals and develop a plan to reach them.
3. TAKE ACTION: Goals are nothing without action. Don’t be afraid to get started. Just do it.
4. NEVER STOP LEARNING: Go back to school or read books. Get training and acquire skills.
5. BE PERSISTENT AND WORK HARD: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Never give up.
6. LEARN TO ANALYZE DETAILS: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes.
7. FOCUS YOUR TIME AND MONEY: Don’t let other people or things distract you.
8. DON’T BE AFRAID TO INNOVATE; BE DIFFERENT: Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.
9. DEAL AND COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE EFFECTIVELY: No person is an island. Learn to understand and motivate others.
10. BE HONEST AND DEPENDABLE; TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: otherwise, Nos. 1-9 won’t matter.
NEWSFLASH! TV Corrupts Young Brains
Posted by: mamanik on: July 22, 2008
- In: kids
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Yes. I know. This is news. NOT! I write this because of the daily battle I have with my kids over how much TV they can watch and which shows are appropriate. I’ve found, with my three older children, if they watch too much TV, their behavior gets really funky. They talk back, they’re sullen and just downright disagreeable.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I love TV. I was raised on Bugs Bunny and Monty Python. Saturday nights, when I slept over my best friend’s house, we would turn on the TV at 11:30 and watch Saturday Night Live and all its inappropriateness. I LOVE TV! But as a mother, I’ve seen the damage it can do when it is watched to the extreme. I’ve also seen the benefits from keeping the TV off.
About a month ago, we had an experimental “Turn the TV Off” week. I warned my kids about it two weeks in advance. In celebration of the no week of TV, we went to Barnes and Noble and got books to read. We played games at night. We had more conversations. It was glorious. The kids did not mind not turning the TV on at all. It was difficult at first. We would get home and they would whine about turning on cartoons. But we spent the whole week with no TV. Now we do watch TV, but there are limits to how much they can watch. One hour a day during the week and a DVD on the weekends.
TV corrupts because it limits what you can do. If you are a multitasker, like me, you can have the TV on and still accomplish things. I can watch TV and do other tasks but it does slow me down because it is distracting. My kids can only focus on TV when it is on because of it’s hypnotic lure. Their eyes become wide and concentric circles appear. The spell can only be broken when the TV is turned off.
So, I’ve decided that less is more. We will be slowly decreasing our TV activity. I will still enjoy episodes of the Simpsons and we’ll watch the occaisional movie together but I’d rather spend the time talking with my kids and playing with them – while they still want to spend the time with me!
